In-between Days
Well, I took a slightly longer break from writing than I’d planned and am still feeling my way around the edges of my holiday-oriented reset (it’s been three weeks now). I’d had great ambitions for spending my time away as a kind of writing retreat–clearing some headspace and marking out a roadmap for new projects. Of course, as I often do, I overshot my plans somewhat and the days slid away effortlessly, before I even had the chance to make an effort. I’m not going to beat myself up over it, though. My body commandeered the operation and took whatever it needed to restore itself, plugging me into the energy source of home and family and friends, and charging me up with solar power.
I’ve never stopped thinking of this time of year as back-to-school, ideas and pencils sharpened and ready to get cracking with some new material. Unlike most, I’m unintimidated by a blank page; it’s an invitation, an offer I can’t refuse.
So it'll be no surprise to you that I kick back into gear this Fall staring down a fresh page in a notebook I've been filling gradually- over these past few months for sure, but really, much, much longer than that. Actually, to push this metaphor to its outer limits, it’s actually more of a second chapter: Amsterdam, The Force Awakens. Or something like that.
I’ll be the first to tell you that I left Amsterdam on less than amicable terms. In fact, I won’t rehash. I wrote all about my feelings of failure and disillusionment here. It took me a good long while to get over it, and London provided the perfect jolt of frenetic, unhinged metropolis that has always fed my soul. Also, the food is so, so much better here. Little by little, I built my confidence back; launching my “FiverDay” lunch program in my studio was a great help. Designing and facilitating workshops was a great help. Collaborating with a team was a great help. And you- writing to you has been the greatest help of all.
There’s lots of evidence that developing both writing and reading rituals have a marked impact on lifting people out of depressions or depressive states. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know that coming back into a writing habit (as well as a yoga habit, for that matter) has given me a renewed sense of purpose, and a restored direction forward.
Still, remaining true to my innate rejection of a linear path, I prefer to count individual steps than measure out the distance in front of me. Over these months, I’ve been taking steps to inch closer to a goal that I’ve only recently been able to define, which is basically being my own boss. I’ve already told you about the offering I’ve been crafting as an “Experiment Coach,” which is heading into a second round of prototyping. (And shhh, but I've finally flipped the switch on my new site, if you're curious). I’ve got a few other projects and prospects on the boil, with promising horizons.
I’ve gotten started, and now I’m ready.
It turns out that re-relocating to Amsterdam is the critical enabling factor in bringing these plans to fruition. Believe me, it’s the last thing I expected. It comes down mostly to economics. While I’ve been living and working here in London, my partner Hamilton has been mostly living and working and developing his now-thriving business in Amsterdam. We intended to both settle in the UK, but then Brexit happened, leaving our future uncertain. My status here is of course tied to my visa sponsorship, so going independent wouldn’t be an option for at least several more years. And I can’t wait that long to make more tangible progress on my goals.
So in January, I’ll be packing it all up and giving it another go in Amsterdam. We’ll all be under one (much more affordable) roof, and I’ll let myself fall in love again with the crooked houses, cycling over canal bridges, and the endless varieties of gouda. And when I need a shock to the system, there’ll soon be a Eurostar directly into the Big Smoke. I’ve got a lot of work to do during these in-between days, straddling the nowness and the next-ness, but I think I’ve just scored the best job of my life. I hear the boss is a real tough cookie.