The Cheeky Vegan
Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.
Though exceedingly trite, you have to admit that in the decade since Michael Pollan proffered his recommendation, his words have managed to hold up as the most sensible and intelligent dietary advice out there.
While I consider myself something of a conscious omnivore, eating a largely plant-based diet has never been an issue for me, speaking as someone who has a farmer's markets' worth of produce tattooed on her body without even a lick of irony.
Frankly, if you’re not making a wholehearted attempt at reducing your meat consumption these days, I don’t know what you’re doing. I won’t bore you with the arguments that eating less meat is better for your body, the environment, and the future of humanity, etc, etc. Just take a look at the numbers. According to data from the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, sharp rises in dairy and meat prices drove the global food price index up 8% in 2017. Care for a more in-depth analysis? This Atlantic article from 2016 estimates that continuing to consume meat at this raging pace will potentially cost the global economy up to $1.6 trillion—by 2050–in terms of both heathcare and environmental debt.
Let’s be honest, though. Going vegan is, for most of us, a part-time gig. It’s a vanity play for when we feel like our habits need a reset, like doing the Whole30, or signing up for Veganuary. Also, can I just ask? Is is vee-GAN-uary or veh-JAN-uary, because to my ears, that makes a big difference to the attractiveness of the proposition…
Our growing interest in this revised way of eating has been a boon for the creation of truly innovative alternatives to animal proteins (we can't wait to discuss alt-proteins and cellular agriculture in upcoming letters!) that are a far cry from the gut-wrenching despair of a Tofurkey. The makers of a popular vegan mayo are currently working on a plant-based and vitamin-rich solution to malnutrition. Crudités are having a massive moment. What a time to be alive.
But if necessity is truly the mother of invention, then it should come as no surprise that we’ve been focusing a great deal of energy on reengineering the true staple of the modern diet–junk food–into its veganized image and likeness. Quoted in The Guardian, “Yes It’s All Vegan” Instagrammer Tsouni Moss puts it quite succinctly:
Unless you go vegan just for the health, which is really rare, then there’s no reason you’d want to stop eating delicious foods that are full of fat and sugar once a week.
As a cook, I relish the challenge of playing with my food. I appreciate the creativity and whimsy of chefs who are reimagining the flavors and textures–salty, sweet, ooey and gooey–that comfort our palates and let us treat ourselves. But they’re still treats. You can stick all the mushrooms and barley you want in it, but a burger is still a burger.
Don't mistake my snark for pooh-poohing. Far from it, in fact. I’ve experimented with carrot lox and cashew cream cheese as toppings for my homemade bagels (verdict = awesome). I’ve made hearty reuben sandwiches with pastrami-cured beets and tofu thousand island. I served these epic veggie burgers to ravenous carnivores and received a round of applause. Meat and dairy, you have not been missed. But leave it to us to turn even our virtuous veggies into something naughty.
Saying goodbye to Febru-dairy…